The Nearness of God

“Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” Genesis 1:2

When I read this my mind is flooded with 5011 questions. What was it like to hover? I want to hover! Why was the water dark? Why was Hank (Holy Spirit) hovering? How long had He been there? Was He waiting for someone? Was He waiting for something? Was He bored?

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.” Genesis 1:3

And there it is! Did you catch it? Its easy to miss. GOD SPOKE! Hank was waiting for an undetermined amount of time for God to speak! From the moment that God spoke, a chain of events started that resulted in the creation of everything necessary to sustain human life.

I imagine that there was some majestic playlist playing in the background as light suddenly emerged from the dark depths. I wonder if the darkness was confused by the light, or if it just turned tail and ran. Was there a colossal roar as the waters separated? Perhaps the air suddenly filling space made a deafening WHOOSH. Did the waves have to plug their ears? And when the plants showed up, did the air learn to blow because it wanted to make the flowers dance? Who first taught the birds to fly and the fish to swim? Did the fish envy the birds when they saw the birds take flight? And what about the other animals? Did the peacock know it was beautiful? Was the cheetah the first to race on to the scene? Did the elephant look at the mouse (like I look at the spider) and wonder what purpose it could possibly have on this earth?

I wish that I could have been there. Because God spoke, everything needed to sustain life…and then life itself was now reality. Reality was now reality. There was actual context and scope.

God liked what He saw, but knew that creation was limited in its ability to reflect His nature. He is creative, but He is also love. Love is manifest through sacrifice. If it is easy, it isn’t love. The sun and the moon could dance, but they could never love. How would they sacrifice for one another?

“Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Genesis 2:7

Dust. God formed us from dust. That tells me 2 things about the nature of God. First, He wasn’t afraid to get His hands dirty for love. He sacrificed the perfection of His clean hands when He scooped up each formless fist full of dust. But more than that, I see that He wanted to be near to us. He SPOKE everything else in to being. He didn’t have to be near to the stars when they began their twinkle. But God had to TOUCH us with His dusty hands to FORM us. That speaks to me of proximity. He sacrificed the majesty of His throne room to be near to love, even though it was messy.

But He didn’t stop there. Not only did He want to be close to us, but He also wanted us to KNOW that He was close. Our faces were touching His while we inhaled His exhale. As we blinked open our eyes, our first sight was His face. He wanted us to catch His gaze and know that we were not alone. And when we beheld Him beholding us, we were forever burned with the fiery permanence of love.

The earth was unfamiliar. We didn’t know light. We didn’t know air. We didn’t know that we would have to learn literally everything. But we would know Gods face and we would know His gaze. We would remember the touch of the perfect hands that became dirty for us. When we breathed, our lungs would remember the intimate proximity of The One who first filled our lungs. Long before we knew we were human, we knew we were not alone and that we were loved.

There He was…sitting at rock bottom with us. And there we were…eye to eye, breathings His breath, and being held by His dirty hands. Inevitably we would learn that ground represents the lowest point. But before we experienced the harsh ground, we experienced the NEARNESS OF GOD.

Dark Nights of the Soul

Light SHINES in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5


Shhhh! Let me tell you my top secret strategy. My story telling strategy has been to first introduce you to my Trinity before introducing myself.

Weird God, Friend Jesus, and Hank are the reason I’m alive to tell you my story. It is vital to have an understanding of who yanked me out of the darkness before I vulnerably share about the depths of my darkness.

Yes. This is my story. I’ve been strong. I’ve been brave. But I have had a lot of supernatural help along the way.

I’ve been very very lost before. I have seasons where I’m not okay. In the days ahead I will be sharing stories about these times. I believe that we can’t appreciate the magnitude of someone’s victories if we don’t first have a revelation of the depth of their struggle.

Please follow me in the struggle, for it is there that you will also share in my redemption, recompense, and healing.

In the days to come I will be sharing vulnerably about what I have walked through. Some of these topics include:

Childhood trauma and PTSD, Cancer, The car accident that earned me the nickname “Christmas Miracle”, Suicide, Infertility, Postpartum depression, Having a child with special needs, Miscarriage, and Loss

If you feel lost, it’s okay. I do too sometimes. I haven’t arrived yet. But I do hope that my transparency will help light the way for you when you can’t find the path out of the darkness. I’ve needed the encouragement of others to light my way too.

After all, light and darkness can’t coexist. When we walk in a dark room we don’t say “Hey! Could somebody please turn down the darkness”. No. We simply turn on a light and the darkness is extinguished.

May my stories help to extinguish some darkness in you, my fellow warrior.

What The Blog?

I don’t blog. I craft weapons that inspire and equip armies.

Welcome to my blog! You have probably never read a blog like this before, because you have probably never met a person like me before.

Get used to different.

WARNING! Do not read this blog if…

-You miss the heart of a message if grammar and editing aren’t perfect. I don’t bother with perfection.

-You are afraid of being challenged.

I am a wife, mom of 4, and adventure enthusiast. My career was as a Leisure Professional…but not the kind you think. I was a white water rafting guide, climbing and rappelling instructor, high ropes course facilitator, team building coach, backpacking trip guide, and specialized in wilderness survival. Surprised? Most people are.

I “settled down” when it was time to have kids. I’ve learned over the last decade that a relationship with God can be the biggest adventure of all. He longs to take us to new places and teach us the wonders of the supernatural world! But sometimes we have to surrender our deeply held religious beliefs to experience relationship as an adventure.

Get used to being challenged.

This blog is not:

  • Meant to teach or counsel
  • Specifically political, or religious.
  • A devotional.
  • Specifically about marriage or parenting.
  • Pro-church or anti-church
  • Completely reverant
  • Going to leave your beliefs unchallenged

Get used to adventure.

This blog absolutely has an agenda. I will be up-front about it so you wont have to wonder.

My agenda is to illustrate through story that a relationship with God is the most amazing epic adventure! It is time delineation, dreams and visions, healing the sick and raising the dead. It is translating to other places, seeing in to other realms, loving the unlovable, hearing His voice, speaking His words, and having reality be completely redefined.

(Hmmmm. She sounds like a mystic new-ager.)

Well, you had better read my blog to find out for sure! And just in case you need to hear it, I believe Jesus is Lord. There. Glad we addressed that.

Get used to transformation.

I was one way, and now I am completely different. And the thing that happened in between was HIM.” (Mary Magdalene, The Chosen)

I encountered the unmistakable, paradigm shifting, life changing, identity revealing, true love of The Father about 6 years ago. My adventure began that day, and hasnt stopped since. The day His love got ahold of me I began living christianity as a lifestyle instead of a religious preference. I still went to church, but I also BECAME the church. I stopped believing that Jesus died to get me in to heaven, and began believing that Jesus died to get heaven IN TO ME. I started living FROM the cross instead of TO the cross. I stopped focusing on what I was saved FROM and began focusing on what I was saved TO.

Get used to weird.

Not long after I began living my epic adventure with God, I realized something profound. God is weird. God is really, really, really weird. He is not at all what I had been taught, He is not at all what I had believed. He was way weirder!

(If you are waiting for God to smite me for my disrespect, you may also need to get used to disappointment.)

WEIRD: Adj “pertaining to destiny” (archaic/original definition)

If God is weird and weird means “pertaining to destiny”, then I want to be weird too! And that is what this blog is about. Me being a lifestyle Christian, living relationship as an adventure, and being transformed in to His weird image.

Are you curious about what adventuring with Weird God looks like? Then read on! Or don’t. I wont be offended if you never read my blog. Ive been blogging for more than 5 years, and readers come and go. Please feel free to pop in, get challenged, then take a break to go examine your beliefs. Whether you ever read a post on my blog or not, please go live your adventure with Weird God. It is never to late to begin.

“Light SHINES in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

(John 1:5)

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